


Hux's Gay Panic

by kuscospoison



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Because I'm sick and tired of that shit, F/M, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, He's worried about Ben because Ben is a bi disaster, Headcanons about Ben Solo's childhood, Hux is a sith fanboy, Hux is an angry bottom, Last Jedi rewrite a lil oops, M/M, Mom Chewbacca, Poe and Hux becoming unlikely friends, Redemption AU, Resurrecting a Star Wars Legends character because I can, Smut, Smut that doesn't fetishize a trans person, Soft Ben Solo, Soft Kylux, Trans Armitage Hux, Trans Male Character, Trans Poe Dameron, Transphobia, the stormpilot will happen eventually but rn it's one-sided, yes that's based off of his death in the scrapped Dual of the Fates script
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:01:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuscospoison/pseuds/kuscospoison
Summary: When Ren takes off his helmet for the first time, Hux soon finds himself confronting his feelings and his past.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Finn/Rose Tico, one-sided Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38





	1. Oh no he's hot

**Author's Note:**

> Did I make an entire fic based off of the scrapped Dual of the Fates script? Perhaps. The redemption shit will be coming in next chapter. In the meantime, enjoy Hux having a gay panic. And I added in the trans hc for my own comfort, let me project onto characters and live.

When he had first met Kylo Ren, Armitage had assumed that the helmeted Knight of Ren was disfigured. Horribly scarred. Or perhaps just very ugly. Literally anything other than what the reality was. 

It had been around a week after he had been promoted to general that he had first met Ren, his dream of power that was Starkiller base was still in its infancy. The guy had worn his helmet everywhere for weeks, until Supreme Leader Snoke had finally had enough.

“I destroyed the village like you asked, Supreme Leader, in order to seize the materials for this base.” Ren had said, his words muffled and only coming out as a baritone mumble.

“What?” Snoke had said, glaring down at his pupil.

“I said that I--”

“Oh take that stupid thing off! I can barely hear a word you say when you wear the blasted contraption!” Snoke hissed, gripping his armrests.

Hux couldn’t help but give a satisfied smirk at watching his rival get such a scolding, but then he had to do a double-take once the helmet was off, his eyes cartoonishly wide as he tried to keep his jaw from dropping.

Kylo Ren was not, in fact, disfigured. If anything, he was the opposite. A strong jawline, an intense brooding gaze complete with bedroom eyes. And a mane of ebony hair that had to have been treated with some special shampoo because it looked too soft to be washed with anything else. 

Hux’s scowl only deepened as he stared at the other man, his mind trying to connect the dots that the tall, dark, and handsome specimen speaking was the same person that he wanted to smack into next week. And his voice, jesus fuck, his actual voice was like dark chocolate melting, the way it sounded. “I said that I’ve obtained the needed materials, Supreme Leader.”

“Good, we will be able to proceed in the beginning construction of the base as planned. General, do you have the necessary workforce to get things started?”

Since he hadn’t heard his last name, he had sort of just tuned out what was being said in the conversation in favor of staring at his rival, trying to process what he was seeing. 

“General Hux!” Snoke growled at him, and Hux was pulled out of his contemplation to meet his leader’s gaze, kicking himself as he saw the angry glare. 

“I apologize, Supreme Leader. Could you repeat what was asked?” He gulped, fearing that his incompetence could lead to his death, or worse, a demotion. 

Snoke sneered at him. “Do you have the necessary workforce to begin construction of Starkiller base?”

Hux nodded. “Everything is ready, Supreme Leader. We can begin tomorrow morning.”

“Excellent. I pray you don’t disappoint me again, for your sake.” Snoke glared down at him as his hologram flickered away into nothing.

And with that, Hux made a beeline for the exit, staring at the floor as his face began to match his hair in shade. He needed some time to process this, to come to terms with the fact that not only was Ren a force-sensitive, he was a fucking Adonis of a man. He was everything Hux wanted to be but couldn’t. If it wasn’t for his shitty attitude and temper he would have been perfect.

Well, it looked like it was going to be another night of angry masturbating again.

“Have you ever seen Ren with his helmet off?” Hux had found himself visiting Phasma’s quarters before heading to bed, unable to keep this information to himself. Phasma was polishing her armor when he visited her.

Phasma gave Hux a sideways look that screamed ‘what the fuck are you talking about.’ “No. I’m lower ranking than you.”

Hux waved his hand dismissively and made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat. “That’s hardly relevant, Phasma. What would you expect to be under the helmet?”

Phasma scowled at him. “I...don’t really care.”

“Wh--Oh come on! You haven’t wondered once?”

Phasma shrugged, her face showing that she was starting to get annoyed. “No, I really haven’t. It’s none of my concern, nor any of my business either. And I don’t really understand why you seem preoccupied with it.”

Hux blushed and straightened his tunic. “I...I saw him take it off during our meeting with Supreme Leader Snoke.”

“Okay. And why are you coming to me about it?”

Hux looked down. “He is not, in fact, disfigured. At all.”

He glanced up at Phasma and realized she was suddenly smirking. A rare sight for her. “Oh, I see now.” She chuckled and smirked at her helmet that she was polishing.

Hux felt his face grow hotter. “What the hell does that mean?”

Phasma grinned. “Just don’t let Supreme Leader Snoke find out that you have a crush on Ren.” 

Hux’s jaw dropped and clapped shut a few times before he managed to find his words. “I do not have a crush on Ren! That immature, stupid, reckless, undisciplined swine is not worth anyone’s time, let alone mine!” 

Phasma nodded. “Whatever you say, general.” She spoke in her Captain Voice in mock seriousness. 

Armitage growled. “I’m not a homosexual, that wouldn’t even make sense!”

Phasma scowled. “Why not?”

Armitage paused, clenching his jaw. “Because, someone like me, I--”

Phasma stood up and grabbed his shoulders, dwarfing him in height. “Armitage, you are a man. How you were born has nothing to do with who you fancy. Just make sure nobody else finds out about this, or you’ll be discharged. Now go back to your chambers and leave me the hell alone.” 

Armitage shook his head. “This is ridiculous, I don’t have time for such...silly delusions. And even if I did, Ren would be disgusted at the prospect of intimacy with...with someone like me.”

Phasma glared at him. “You won’t even give him the chance? I know he’s got a few screws loose, but you aren’t a freak.”

“What if he tells everyone what...what I am? Currently you and Sloane are the only living people who know about my...condition. I can’t have that information getting out.” 

Phasma rolled her eyes. “Just try to get to know him more personally and if he seems accepting, give him a chance. Show him your little lightsaber collection.”

“It’s not a little collection!” Hux hissed at her. 

Phasma rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I can’t believe you’re acting like such a coward about this.”

Armitage grit his teeth. “Fine. I’ll consider it.”

Phasma glared at him. “Don’t just consider it, do it. You’re a general of the First Order, you answer to no one but Supreme Leader Snoke himself. Have a little more pride and confidence, I haven’t seen you act so timid since...well, since your father died.” 

Armitage clenched his fists. “I...I was a different person then. You’re right, I have nothing to fear.” He sighed and nodded. “I’ve done a lot to get to this point, And I’m sure I can impress our Knight of Ren. If anything, I’ve got an ace in the hole.” He smirked.

Phasma sighed. “I don’t care how you do it, just do it and leave me out of it. A good fuck could finally get that stick out of your arse.” 

Armitage glared at her. “You’re lucky you’re my closest friend, or else I would discharge you for speaking to me like that.”

Phasma smirked. “Empty threats, my dear general. Your stormtrooper program would fall apart without me overseeing it.” 

Hux sighed and turned to leave. “Yes, I suppose you’re right about that. Have a good evening, Phasma.”

As construction started on his technological magnum opus, Hux had managed to corner Ren in the hall of their base. “A word, Ren?”

The man was wearing that stupid helmet again, god Armitage wanted to smash that fugly thing. “Certainly, general.” Despite agreeing to the request, he didn’t sound too happy about it.

Hux led him to an empty conference room, swallowing hard as he felt his mouth dry up out of nerves. “I was thinking, since you’ll be overseeing gaining supplies for the base and I’ll oversee construction, perhaps we could collaborate a bit. Instead of just going to Snoke all the time, we could cut out the middleman and make things more streamlined.”

Ren seemed to think for a moment. “This is unusual for you, general. You have no ulterior motive?”

Hux smiled and shook his head. “You know I want nothing but success for this base, what would I gain from sabotaging its construction?” He couldn’t help but silently beg Kylo Ren not to read his mind right now. 

It was his lucky day, apparently. “Fine, when do you want to meet to go over the plans?”

Hux nodded. “Tonight, we can have dinner in my chambers. You’re not allergic to cats are you?”

“What?”

“I have a cat. Are you allergic?”

Ren seemed to pause for a moment, trying to process the information. “No, I’m not. I didn’t realize pets were allowed on the base.”

“My pet is allowed on the base. Other pets, no.” 

Ren nodded. “I see. I hope you don’t disappoint me with whatever you serve for dinner.”

Hux gave a tight smile. “I’m sure you won’t be. And try to wear something other than that garish helmet and robes you go sauntering around in.” He felt his heart pounding in his chest as he was realizing that his plan had worked. 

Ren stepped forward a bit. Hux’s heart pounded faster, his hands feeling clammy and his jaw tightened. “You seem distressed, general.”

“I’m fine.” 

There was a long moment where Ren seemed to be deciding whether it was worth his energy to press Armitage further. Then Ren stepped back and nodded. “My mistake, then. I will be visiting your chambers this evening. 6 p.m.”

Hux nodded. “Works for me. See you then.” He speedwalked past the Knight of Ren before he could be further questioned, his pulse finally slowing down. 

He was lucky that he was able to enlist the help of a cook in the base, since he himself couldn’t cook for shit. He found himself nervously setting his table again and again, making sure everything was perfect. He was positively disgusted with himself. He was really starting to go soft. How pathetic.

“Do you think that spoon is straight enough?” Ren said to him, making him practically jump a foot in the air from shock. 

“Ren!” He went wide-eyed. “Just wanted to make sure everything was perfect.” He turned to look at the other man and he couldn’t help but pause, seeing that Ren was wearing a simple black tunic and pants that hugged his muscular frame nicely. 

Ren scowled. “Since when do you care what I think about anything?”

Hux gave a tight-lipped smile as he felt his face heat up. “I don’t, I just want everything to be orderly and neat. Try not to ruin everything.”

Ren raised a brow, then Hux heard a fork clatter to the floor as he stretched out his hand. “Oops.” He didn’t break eye contact the entire time.

Hux glared at him. How could someone be so attractive and yet so infuriating?!? It didn’t make any sense! “Just sit down. Dinner will be served in a moment.” He picked up the fork and purposefully set it at Ren’s place on the table, sitting opposite to that seat. You want to fuck with my silverware, then you can eat with a dirty fork you little shit, he thought to himself. 

Ren smirked and sat at his seat. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you out of that uniform, general.”

Hux folded his hands on the table. “It is after hours, you are free to call me Armitage. And I take great pride in my uniform, considering it is a symbol of my status.”

“I noticed.” Ren grumbled, looking around the room. “Where is this cat you mentioned?”

Hux raised a brow and stood. “Probably in my room, she likes to hide under my bed.” He left and went to his room, getting down on the floor to look under the bed.

Sure enough, the ginger cat was there, her reflective eyes shining from the revealing light. “Millie, sweetums, come out.” He put out his hand. 

After a few moments he coaxed her out from under the bed, picking her up and turning to leave, finding Ren in the doorway. “Your room has a lot more personality than I expected.” Ren looked around, his eyes landing on the lightsaber collection in its glass case. “Are those what I think they are?” He frowned.

Fuck, Armitage had been planning to save those for the end of the night. “Ah, yes. That’s my collection of sith lightsabers.” He put Mille down on the bed, going over to the case. “I’ve managed to find them over the years” He pulled one out. “This is the oldest one, from the Old Republic. It had been a family heirloom that a Mandalorian sold to me a few years ago.” He held it out to Ren.

The larger man took it gingerly, his eyes wide. “That’s incredible…” He tried to ignite the lightsaber, but it only made a half-hearted clicking sound. 

“The crystal itself is missing, I’m afraid.” 

Ren nodded. “Unfortunate.” He looked at the case. “Do you have any that work?”

Hux smirked. “As a matter of fact, I do.” He pulled his most valuable one out. “The one you’re holding was cheap, it was the beginning of my collection. I always wanted to be a sith lord, even as a child. I dreamed of having that kind of power. I finally started getting more impressive specimens once my salary was larger.” He held out the lightsaber he held. “This is the lightsaber used by Darth Vader himself.”

Ren’s jaw dropped and he looked down at it. “Are you sure?” Hux knew he had the Knight of Ren’s attention now. He had noticed Ren’s little burned Vader helmet that he worshipped. Compared to the lightsaber, that old thing was nothing.

Hux smirked. “I bought it on Endor, someone had managed to scavenge it from the wreckage of the Death Star.”

Ren took it and his eyes widened. “It’s really his…” He ignited it, and it was the first time Armitage had seen him smile. Seeing that smile filled him with an odd and happy feeling in his gut. “This is...thank you for showing it to me.” He looked at Hux, his eyes lacking their usual malice. 

Armitage nodded. “It’s the closest someone like me can get to being...well, being someone like you.”

Ren’s eyes lost their light and he turned the lightsaber off. “You don’t want to be someone like me.” He handed the object back to Hux and turned to leave.

Armitage blinked and put his lightsabers back in the case, shutting it and grabbing Millie from his bed, following Ren out of his room. “Wait, what do you mean, I don’t want to be like you?” He scowled. “Do you understand how powerless I felt, as a child? How the dream of being someone like you was the only ray of hope I had?” He realized he was admitting his childhood had been less than ideal and felt a bolt of anxiety stab through him.

Ren scowled at him. “Yes, I do. The thing you don’t seem to realize, Armitage, is that your brain is an open fucking book.” He threw up his hands in annoyance. “I don’t think I’ve ever known someone whose mind was so...loud.”

Armitage felt his face pale as his eyes went wide. “What?”

“You have nightmares, every night. And I get the pleasure of picking up on them. Having to keep so many secrets...maybe that’s why it’s so loud. I don’t know.”

Hux looked down. He had never felt so naked in his entire life. He hugged Millie close out of comfort. “How much...How much do you know?”

Kylo shrugged and folded his arms. “What don’t I know is the question. You see what having this kind of power means? It means my uncle tried to fucking kill me when he started to feel afraid of me, it means I can’t even focus when you’re in the room, and it means I never had any other options for what I wanted to do with my life!” 

Armitage gulped. “You aren’t...You aren’t going to tell anyone are you?”

Ren scowled. “Tell anyone what? That you’re gay?”

Hux blushed bright red. “I’m not gay!” 

“You’re gay.” 

Hux growled. “I didn’t mean that, I meant the other thing about me.”

Ren seemed to think for a minute before the lightbulb seemed to go off in his head. “That you’re trans?”

Armitage shushed him loudly. “Don’t say it so loud! And yes! Do you want me to pay you? I can give you the lightsaber. My entire collection.”

Ren stared at him for almost a minute, it was clear he was weighing his options. “I won’t tell. I haven’t so far. You don’t need to give up your lightsabers, just...let me hold Vader’s when I ask to.”

Hux nodded. “Whatever you want, just keep your mouth shut.” He didn’t understand why Ren was being so...moral. So gracious. Why? He had seen the man murder villages, kill men, women, and children without a second thought. Where was this coming from?

Kylo rolled his eyes and went back to the table. “I don’t see why it matters.” He sat down and Hux noticed that the food had been served and the cook had left, just as he had requested. 

Armitage scowled. “Nobody is going to take orders from some...from a freak like me! No one will see me as a man, as their general if they find out about my past!”

Kylo began picking at his food. “Really? Do people act like that in the First Order?”

Armitage nodded. “I had to have everyone who would know about it killed, except for Sloane, she’s the closest thing I have to a mother. And Phasma.”

Kylo blinked. “Wow, it was never a big deal where I came from.” 

Hux raised a brow. “And where did you come from?”

Ren avoided his eyes. “I would rather not say.”

Armitage scowled. “You know so much about me, and yet you won’t say anything about yourself.”

“You wouldn’t like me if you knew where I come from.”

“I don’t like you now, I still want to know.” Hux frowned and shovelled a forkful of food into his mouth.

Ren scowled. “Nice to know your animosity is unbiased.” He sighed. “My parents were General Leia Organa and Han Solo. And my uncle was Luke Skywalker.”

Armitage raised his eyebrows. “Well, we both have skeletons in our closet then. Yours is that you're from the bastard Republic and your parents are from the Resistance, and mine is that I don’t have a real penis.” 

Ren coughed as he was chewing on food, eyes bugging out. “That’s one way of putting it.” 

Hux sighed and shrugged. “So...is there anything else embarrassing that you know about me, or is my humiliation over?”

Ren smirked. “I know you were looking at me like I was a bantha steak dinner yesterday.” 

Hux felt his face flush. “I--you--”

“That’s why you invited me here, right? As a date?”

“It’s business!”

Ren leaned forward. “Do you actually have any business planned for us to go over?”

Hux looked down. “...No.” He mumbled in defeat.

Ren chuckled. “I thought so.” He hummed. 

Armitage stared at him. “So...what does this mean for us then? Is this a date?”

“If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have agreed to it.” Ren shrugged. “I just figured I would play along with you for a bit.”

“You’re the worst.”

Ren smirked. “You’re still attracted to me.”

Armitage glared at him. “Fuck you.”

They ate in silence for a few minutes before Armitage finally spoke up. “It doesn’t...bother you?”

Ren looked up. “Hmf?” He mumbled through a mouthful of food.

Armitage rolled his eyes. “That I’m trans you nincompoop!”

Ren snorted and put a hand over his mouth. “Did you just call me a nincompoop?” He burst out laughing. It was the first time Armitage had seen him laugh, and it was, strangely enough, a welcome sight. 

“Just answer the question!”

Ren finally caught his breathe after a minute or so of stupid giggling. “Not really.” 

Armitage huffed. “What do you mean, not really?”

Ren shrugged. “I don’t really see why it matters if I’m going to be topping.”

“Who said anything about you being the ‘top’?” Armitage made air quotes. 

“Do you want to top?” Ren smirked. 

Armitage thought for a moment. “I...I don’t know. I’ve never...I’ve never been...romantic with anyone before.”

Ren’s eyes widened. “You’re a virgin? You’re older than I am!”

Armitage blushed bright red. “I never really thought anyone would want to be with someone like me!” He scowled. 

Ren frowned, then nodded. “I see, we can take things slow then.”

Armitage sighed. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.” It was almost surreal, how well they were getting along all of a sudden. They most certainly weren’t over the bickering, not by a long shot. But...there seemed to be a lot less animosity between them. Armitage just wasn’t sure if he liked it or not yet.


	2. Splish splash Pryde is trash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a big oof but I enjoyed writing it. Also enjoy Hux becoming a "good guy" character. Step 1: hate the empire/first order, step 2: have ur hyperdrive fail, step 3 (coming soon): say "I have a bad feeling about this."

And so they had begun a secret relationship, holding hands under tables and kissing when there was no one else around. Armitage had experienced his first kiss just after a meeting with Snoke, Ren pulled him into it before he even knew what was happening. It had been warm, and soft, and gentle, and electrifying, and...perfect. 

Unfortunately, that same day had also included a rude awakening. He had been returning to his bridge when an imperial officer approached him. “General, Allegiant General Pryde is here for a progress check on construction of the base.”

Hux froze as he was walking, his unusually happy and not-scheming-something smile faded quickly. Pryde...he was an older general, and...he had met Hux as a child. It had only been once, when he had been checking in on his father’s progress with the stormtrooper program, but...he would have seen Hux before his transition.

He felt like vomiting on the spot. “Send him to my office, I’ll welcome him here personally while the inspection is being conducted.” He gave a tight smile and turned to leave. 

None of the older generals liked him, all of them saw him as an inexperienced child rather than a fucking grown adult with more ambition in his left knee than in their whole bodies. But he always put on a smile, always ignored or brushed off the comments about his age, about his cowardice. But Pryde was different. He knew one of Hux’s most personal secrets, and Hux honestly wasn’t sure if he was happy or pissed that the allegiant general hadn’t ratted him out.

Hux got things ready (including his mental health and the sad shell he called a self-esteem) and managed to be sitting calmly at his desk (or at least appearing calm) when Pryde arrived. 

“Annie, it’s been so long.” Pryde gave a surface-level smile as he walked in. 

Hearing his deadname made him nearly gag, but he gave a forced smile and nodded. “Hello, general. I hope that my base is up to standard.” 

Pryde sighed and sat at the chair in front of Hux’s desk. “No hello or how are you?”

Not when I want to stab you in the throat, he thought to himself. “My apologies, working on this base is quite an arduous task.”

“I suppose it would be for someone like you.” Pryde smirked. “Women aren’t meant for this kind of work.”

Hux clenched his jaw. “How is the inspection coming along?”

“It shouldn’t take long, just need to check your expenses and what has been accomplished so far to make sure this is coming along as it should be. And keeping under budget, of course.” Pryde smiled. “I certainly hope, for your sake, everything is satisfactory. We wouldn’t want your dirty little secret getting out, would we?”

Hux gave a tight nod. “Of course not, General. Everything should be up to standard.”

“It amuses me, watching you play this little game.” Pryde leaned forward. “You don’t convince anyone, not really anyways. You’re pedantic, and overzealous, and the only reason I haven’t said anything is because your little stormtrooper program and this base will serve the Order well.” He stood. “I think that’s enough for introductions, don’t you? I’ll attend to my staff and have a report for you by the end of today.”

Hux forced another smile. “Thank you, sir.”

As soon as he made it back to his apartment, he started kicking his couch, and then that just led to him letting out the scream that felt trapped in his gut. “HHRRRAAAAAAUUUUUGGGH!” 

Why did he let these fuckwads talk down to him? Why did he let Pryde do this? He had worked just as hard as they did during his academy days, he had done just as much to make it this far. When was his work going to prove he was strong enough and smart enough to deserve his place in the First Order? When was he going to earn the right to being seen as a man? 

He kept telling himself that it would all be worth it, that he’d make it to the top and show all of them how wrong they were to underestimate him. He had taken down so many people who had stood in his way to satisfy his ambition. His need to be acknowledged and seen as strong and powerful. 

Oh, who was he kidding? He just wanted to earn respect. He wanted to be able to look in the mirror and not hyperfocus on any feminine feature, he wanted...he wanted people to see him. To care. And here he was, at the most broken part of him. The part that took all the beatings and humiliations as a child. The part that had survived through years of dysphoria and self hatred. The part that had never really known what unconditional love was. He still didn’t know. 

He heard someone walk into his apartment and he immediately scrabbled for a tissue to hide that he had been ugly crying as he was sitting on the floor in front of his couch. He looked up and saw that it was Ren. “What are you doing here?”

Ren shrugged. “Phasma said that you looked upset. She actually directly approached me. So…” He shrugged. “I figured I would check it out.”

Hux shook his head. “I’m not upset.” That came out way more whimpery and pathetic than he had intended. 

Before he could protest, he was being pulled into a hug. “You are upset, I can feel it. What happened?” 

God, when was the last time he had been hugged? Had he ever even gotten any sort of hug from anyone? Thinking about that only broke him and he found himself sobbing into Ren’s shoulder. “C’mon, you wanna use my lightsaber and break something? Or maybe just talk it out?”

Hux heaved a shaky breath. “I want to watch Allegiant General Pryde choke to death on his blood.”

Ren sighed. “You know he has a lot of contacts in the First Order, that wouldn’t be an option. Not right now, at least.”

Armitage sobbed. “I know. I just…”

“Gonna tell me what happened?”

Hux sniffled. “He knows about me...transitioning. He had met me once when I was a child, and he fucking lords the secret over me. He calls me by my old name, calls me a woman, all in private of course.”

He pulled back to see Ren clenching his jaw. “I’m sorry. That you have to deal with that. I know a lot of the older officers don’t like you.”

“They really don’t.”

Ren nodded and kissed his forehead. “But I like you. Quite a bit, actually. So who cares what some random old assholes think?” 

Hearing those words...he had never really gotten direct approval and encouragement like this before. He had always followed ambitions out of spite, out of a need to prove everyone wrong. That he was a man, that he was strong enough, that he was worth anything at all. It only made him cry harder into Ren’s shoulder. He hadn’t shown emotion like this since his childhood, when his father would yell in his face about how useless he was until he was sobbing. And then his father would threaten him or hit him for crying. 

“Do you want me to find Millie?” Ren sat him down on the couch. “I’ll get you a glass of water too.”

Hux shook his head. “Why are you doing this? Why are you being so...kind?”

Ren paused, blinking. “I…” He looked down, looking ashamed. “I’m not supposed to do this. I’m supposed to reject the light. Reject the people I care about so that the pain can make me more powerful. But…” He clenched his jaw, his eyes tearing up. “I can’t...I can’t do that to you. And as long as Supreme Leader Snoke doesn’t know about this, I won’t have to.” He stood up and went to Hux’s room to find Millie.

When he came back, Armitage had processed those words and felt angry. “You reject the people you care about? So you're telling me that your parents loved you and cared about you, supported you, and you left them?” He glared at Ren.

Ren put Millie down on Hux’s lap. “Supreme Leader Snoke is wise. He was right about Luke.” He mumbled the words, almost as if reciting them to himself.

“Who gives a fuck about Luke Skywalker?!?” Hux shouted. “You had people in your life who showed you affection and actual love? Do you know what I would give to have that? I have no one. Phasma is my friend because we were both able to get what we wanted from each other. Sloane took pity on me. My father treated me like rubbish. He beat me, he spent every waking moment of my childhood degrading me and telling me how worthless and weak I was.”

Ren swallowed hard, finally starting to cry while he was getting angry. “Connections to people make me weak, they just hold me back!”

“NOT HAVING CONNECTIONS MAKES YOU WEAK!!” Hux shouted, standing up. “I just fucking told you that! I struggle to prove to everyone and myself that I’m worth anything at all, and most of the time no one gives a shit.”

Ren shook his head. “You don’t know what it’s like to be strong with the force.” 

Armitage couldn’t help but feel like he had been slapped. Ren knew about his childhood dream of being a sith, he knew how badly he had wanted to have that kind of power. “Get out.”

Ren bared his teeth, openly crying. “Fine, it’s better this way. I don’t have to hide anything from Supreme Leader Snoke and I can better serve him.”

“Yes, go back to kissing his wrinkly arse.” Hux snorted. 

He couldn’t help but yelp and grip at his neck as Ren lifted him with the force to hover in the air in a chokehold. The rage in those eyes...it scared him. But then Ren seemed to realize what he was doing, and the rage melted into fear. He dropped Armitage and looked down. “It’s better this way.” He turned and left.

When Snoke had told him to retrieve the injured Kylo Ren from the forests of Starkiller base, he realized he had an opening. That in the chaos of the destruction of his creation, he could escape. It was a half-baked plan, but it could work. Sure, he hadn’t really spoken to Ren since their fight, but if he could get him away from Snoke and convince him...they would be free. He had begun to hate it here anyway. The fact that Ren rejected his family, and his feelings, for someone like Snoke made him angry. And having to hide who he was and his own emotions was starting to take a toll on his mental health. Maybe for once he could finally have a shred of self-worth and do something for himself instead of doing something to prove himself.

He had gone to his room, scrambling to grab Millie and Vader’s lightsaber, shoving the latter into his pocket and holding the former under his jacket. He had made sure to only take one stormtrooper to help him find Ren and take him to a ship, then shot them as soon as Ren was boarded and resting. He had barely passed his classes in flying, he wasn’t particularly good at it, that had been Ren’s expertise...God, Ren was going to throw a conniption when he regained consciousness. At least he had the technical skills to disable any tracking programmed into the ship before leaving the crumbling base. 

But when he prepared the ship to go into hyperspace to get away from the First Order (preferably to some peaceful barely-inhabited planet on the outer rim) it only made a half hearted sound and failed. 

“What? This ship was in the dock, how the hell does the hyperdrive not work?” He hadn’t taken his own ship that he normally used for travel, knowing that it would be too conspicuous. So he had taken a small and simple transportation ship. Barely any shields, no weapons systems. But a good disguise to outside onlookers. 

He scowled and went back to the ship’s computer to figure out what the fuck was the problem, soon finding that the hyperdrive required a specific code that only the authorized commanding officer of the ship would now. He had begun typing in random codes he knew from the order. “I’m a general of the First fucking Order, why the fuck can’t I use a First fucking Order’s ship’s hyperdrive?!?” He yelled and kicked the ship. 

He heard Ren groan in pain, panicking at the bump in his spur-of-the-moment escape plan. If Ren woke up and was strong enough to get up and move...even if he wasn’t, if he was conscious enough to use the force...Armitage was dead. 

He looked back at Ren, biting his lip. There were two options. Try to go back to Starkiller and take his personal ship. Or...he could contact the Resistance. General Leia Organa would probably be in one of their larger ships in their fleet, which were still in the area of the base...

He managed to set up a communication line to the Resistance, feeling his gut twist at the thought of having to ask them for anything. “I have Ben Solo aboard a rogue First Order ship and he needs medical attention, if his mother wants him alive, she’ll take this call.”

Ren groaned and Armitage could see him squirm a bit out of the corner of his eye. He silently wished for Ren to not be conscious right now. “Who the hell are you?” Instead of the person who had answered the call, he heard a woman’s voice.

“General Organa? I have your son on a ship I managed to steal during the destruction of Starkiller base.”

“Yeah, so I heard. And I asked who is this?”

Armitage winced. “General Armitage Hux of the First Order. I’m technically a deserter now, I was supposed to take your son back to Supreme Leader Snoke, but…”

“But you’re going rogue.”

“Yes.”

There was a long pause before Leia sighed. “I want to ask why, but I care too much about my son to care about that right now. Send me your coordinates and we’ll pick you up.”

“Promise that you’ll give Ben and I immunity. I won’t be arrested when I come aboard your ship.”

“For giving me back my son, I’ll give you anything you want.” 

Armitage nodded and began sending his coordinates to her, hearing Ren groan in pain again. When he finished he ran over to him, grabbing bacta gel from a compartment nearby. “So I may have made a very very impulsive decision.” He mumbled as he applied the gel to Ren’s face.

Ren, who appeared to be existing on the line between consciousness and unconsciousness, grunted. “Do I even wanna know?”

“Probably not.” There was a jolt as the ship was caught in a tractor beam that he prayed was General Organa’s ship. He didn’t really have the attention to check, feeling too worried about Ren.

“What was that?”

“Your mother, rescuing us.”

Ren went wide-eyed and tried to sit up. “WHAT?!?”

Armitage tried to hold him down. “Like I said, impulsive decision, you’ll thank me for it later.”

“NO I FUCKING WON’T YOU GINGER ASSHOLE!!” Ren squirmed and struggled. 

“Not much to do now, the tractor beam is pulling us in!” Armitage grunted, feeling glad that he had put Ren’s lightsaber far away from him.

There was another jolt as the ship landed in the Resistance freighter’s hangar. When the door opened, Armitage was ready to get down on his knees in thanks, considering he did not have the strength to continue holding the larger man down. But that wasn’t happening, because Ren finally managed to shove him off, getting up and stumbling a bit. He seemed to realize that he was not, in fact, in any condition to be walking or fighting, and promptly collapsed onto the ground. 

Armitage tried to lift him up, but was beaten to it by Resistance medics. He got to his feet and walked out of the ship, putting up his hands. 

Leia stood waiting for him, glaring at him. “What are you doing here?”

Armitage sighed as two Resistance soldiers began patting him down for weapons. “Ren’s lightsaber is still in the ship.” He looked at Leia. “It’s a long story.” He scowled at the soldier who removed Vader’s lightsaber from his pocket. “If that goes missing…”

Leia nodded. “Alright, then you won’t mind if we restrain you while I take you to my office.” She gave a tight-lipped smile as the soldiers cuffed Armitage’s hands.

He sighed in defeat. “Fair enough…” 

Leia’s office was rather Spartan in design, save for a caf maker on the counter in a corner. Armitage was none-too-gently plopped down onto a hard chair before the Resistance soldiers left. Leia went to her desk. “Care for a cup of tea?”

“That would be lovely, thank you.” Armitage nodded. 

Leia got out two mugs and began getting the tea ready. “It’s hard for me to be as happy about this as I want to be, considering Han is dead. But...I guess I’ll just have to take what I can get.” She sighed and held out a mug to Armitage, then realized he was still cuffed. “Oh, my apologies.” She set the mug down and walked around her desk and behind Armitage, releasing the handcuffs.

Armitage rubbed his wrists a bit before taking the mug of tea. “Your son and I began a romantic relationship in secret while working together.”

Leia nodded. “I see. And the secret part is probably why you ended up here?”

Armitage sighed. “There were...a number of reasons. One was that our relationship became broken and strained because of Snoke, and because I was tired of being disrespected and hated by my superiors. Not to mention I had a huge secret that I had to hide in order to keep my position.” He looked down. “Also the ship I stole had a lock on the hyperdrive so there was no other way to escape.”

“Secret?”

Armitage swallowed hard. “I was born female.”

Leia nodded. “And now you want to serve the Resistance?”

Armitage shrugged. “Not really, but I knew you would take your son in without question and I figured handing him over would be enough of a peace offering to allow me immunity and perhaps even a position in the Resistance. I also know valuable information about the First Order that I could give you.” 

Leia seemed to consider his words, sipping her tea. “You wouldn’t be serving as a general with us. You’d be a commander at best.”

“I’m willing to take a hit to my pride if it means I can finally be myself.”

“I just hope that my son will be able to follow in your footsteps.” She sighed. “Alright, I’ll get you set up with a room here, I’m assuming you wanna share one with Ben?”

Armitage nodded. “Yes, that would be ideal. Also my cat was on that ship, make sure she’s safe.”

Leia stood and held out her hand. “We have a deal then, Commander Hux.”

Armitage stood and shook her hand, feeling completely out of his comfort zone. All of his instincts were screaming at him to go back to the First Order, but that wasn’t even an option at this point.

After getting Vader’s lightsaber back and making sure Millie was safe in his new apartment, he went to Ren’s hospital room, where the man was restrained and everything in the room was tied or bolted down. “How are you feeling?”

“Betrayed and angry.”

Armitage nodded and sat next to him. “Are you going to hurt me?”

“No, never on purpose anyway. And even if I wanted to, I can’t right now. I’m as high as the fucking Millenium Falcon from the painkillers.” Ren laid his head back on the pillow. 

Armitage smiled a bit. “Do you know why I did what I did?”

Ren nodded. 

“Do you hate me for what I did?”

Ren shook his head, closing his eyes. “No.” He whispered. “I just can’t stand the thought of looking at my mother’s face after what...what happened.” 

Armitage nodded and took Ren’s hand. “She seems to be handling it well. I think she just wants you to come home.”

Ren looked away. “What about Supreme Leader Snoke?”

“Ren...you don’t have to follow him. The way you were...you were just hurting yourself. I probably would have eventually escaped on my own, because I was beginning to get sick of being treated the way I did, but...I brought you with because you were the first person who ever cared about how...how I felt. And I...I didn’t want to lose that.” Armitage swallowed hard and looked down, taking Ren’s hand. “Please. Please don’t make me lose trust in you. I’ve never trusted anyone before, if you break this...I don’t think I’ll ever be able to open up to anyone. About anything.” 

Ren sighed. “You were right about what you said when we had that fight. I thought that breaking my emotional ties would make me stop...feeling so much. Stop caring about people. But it didn’t, if anything it just made it all worse.” Armitage looked up at him and noticed the bacta patches running down his face. 

“That’s going to leave a scar.” Armitage stood up and hesitantly reached out to brush his fingertips over the unharmed part of Ren’s (or, Ben’s) face.

Ben closed his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’ll be a cool looking scar.” 

Ben smiled a bit. Armitage heard the door of the room slide open and turned around, seeing Leia walk in. She took Ben’s other hand.

Ben frowned. “You don’t hate me?”

“I could never hate you, you’re my son.” Leia brushed away his hair. “No matter what you do, who you become, I will always love you. And Han felt the same way. We both knew that Snoke was influencing you, and that...you had some emotional issues and mental health issues that, in hindsight, we both let go unchecked.” 

That seemed to be what finally broke him, his chest heaving with sobs as he leaned into his mother’s shoulder. Armitage stepped back, then Leia looked at him and waved a hand. “Nuh-hunh, bring it in, skinny boy.”

Armitage blinked and leaned into the hug, feeling Leia put an arm around him. 

“I’m sorry for shoving you earlier. And all the other stuff.” Ben mumbled, his big black eyes looking at Hux. There was no saying no to those eyes, goddammit.

Armitage nodded. “It’s alright, I understand. He pulled out Vader’s lightsaber from his pocket. “I saved this for you.”

Ben looked at it with wide eyes. “I...I don’t think I should take that.”

Hux pulled back. “I don’t know, that’s the lightsaber he had during his last battle, right? It could be a symbolic thing. You came back to the light, just like he did.” Before, Hux would have phrased that as “he was a traitor to the Empire” but...now? Now he realized that the Empire and First Order had maybe not been as great as he had been raised to think.

“Yeah, I guess.” Ben mumbled, laying back on the bed. “Can I have my hands free now?”

Leia seemed to think for a moment before releasing one restraint, then hesitantly doing the same to the other. 

Ben smiled and took Armitage’s hand, then pulled it up to his face to kiss it. “You sacrificed everything to bring me here.”

Armitage shrugged. “Well, you were the only thing that kept me from being thrown in jail. Your mother even gave me a job. It’s a demotion, though.”

Ben nodded. “Glad you’re not in prison.” He hummed. “I am very high right now, I think I need to go to sleep. Will you stay with me?”

Armitage nodded. “I have nothing better to do.”

Leia scowled. “You have a lot better to do, we need that information on the First Order.”

Armitage sighed and pulled his hand away, earning an annoyed sound from Ben. He smiled and kissed Ben’s forehead. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

He left and followed Leia, ready to betray everyone he had ever known and everything he had stood for.


	3. Did I rewrite the Last Jedi a little bit? Perhaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically I've tweaked the Last Jedi a bit to fit into the story because why not. If there are inaccuracies or whatever, I'm sorry in advance. I actually liked the idea of subverting expectations that Rian Johnson started out with, but the fact that he sort of executed in a terrible way made the movie fail for me. I also like Holdo, please don't stone me. And I apologize if it feels like you're missing a lot, I just want to keep this in Hux's viewpoint and since he's more on the sidelines, he is missing some stuff. Also he refers to Finn as "the stormtrooper" and Rose as "the mechanic girl" because he doesn't know Rose's name and he wasn't really familiar with Finn's name. It's not me hating on the characters, it's that I'm trying to write this as much in Hux's viewpoint as I can.

After that, his experience with the Resistance was a clusterfuck of reintroductions and planning. It seemed that the First Order was now in pursuit of their fleet. Hux would have been proud if he were still a general. Right now he was irritated, since he was finally allowed to be himself and be respected and that was being interrupted by a bunch of arseholes trying to blow him up. 

At first, it seemed like no one wanted to use him for any sort of strategy or planning, even though he understood how the First Order ships worked, what they could do, and the various strategic styles and personalized formations of many of the First Order's generals. 

He had been on the main bridge, watching everything unfold and just trying to stay out of everyone's way. Nobody seemed to want to listen anyway. 

He vaguely picked up on everyone being in awe that they had been followed and tracked through lightspeed and he finally couldn't resist the urge to speak up. "I could have told you that." 

Leia looked at him with a mix between surprise and anger. "Then why didn't you?" 

Hux rolled his eyes. "Would any of you have listened? None of you here seem to trust me." He folded his arms behind his back and walked out to the middle of the bridge. "None of you seem to understand the brevity of this situation. Your fleet is hanging by a hair-thin thread, ready to snap at the slightest misstep. And let me tell you, you're going to make missteps if you don't know what your enemy has against you." He looked around at everyone. "I know about the developments and scientific research the Order was involved in, I know what strategy and what formations are used by certain commanding officers and could tell you how to evade them." 

"And the guy that was most loyal to the First Order is just gonna give us all this information?" Someone spoke up from the sidelines and Hux looked at him. It was the pilot that Ren had captured. The snarky one with the particularly stubborn disposition. Lovely.

"I was loyal to the First Order because I didn't think I deserved any better. I grew up being beaten down and belittled by my father, who was an integral part in the First Order's rise to power. The older officers saw me as nothing more than, as I have heard Snoke so fondly say, a rabid cur. I was taught that power was above all else in the universe. That if I had enough power, I would be worthy. But even with all my efforts, even with all the work I was doing, Snoke held me back. I could have been promoted for my efforts, should have been. I slept three hours a night, on average, and worked tirelessly, and for what? The approval of my dead father? The approval of a leader I wanted to overthrow?" 

He sighed and paced a bit. "I digress. There were many things that caused my faith in the First Order and the Empire of old to weaken and be replaced by resentment." He clenched his jaw. "I'm not asking for control of the Resistance fleet. I'm simply asking that you take my advice into consideration so that we don't get blown to pieces. And if I figure out Allegiant General Pryde is on a ship, I would like to be allowed to personally ensure that he endures a painful death." 

He looked around, and saw that everyone didn't really seem particularly inspired by his speech. He was an outsider, after all. Finally he swallowed hard and nodded. "Thank you." He left the middle of the bridge to go back to where he had been standing next to Leia. 

Leia smiled and squeezed his arm reassuringly and Hux looked over, feeling confused. "Thank you,even if it feels like you’re powerless right now. You're going to save lives with the information you have and your tactical skills. And I wouldn't worry about what everyone thinks of you, they'll warm up to you eventually." She turned to leave the bridge. Hux couldn't help but realize she was much shorter than he realized. It seemed that her commanding demeanor and attitude made her larger than she actually was. 

"Why do you have so much faith in me?" He couldn't help but blurt out as she was walking away. 

Leia stopped and turned around. "Because I can tell that you love my son, and that you really do hate how the First Order treated you." She snorted. "Where do you think Ben got his mind reading skills from?" She smirked. 

Hux blushed. "I don't know about love, but I do care for him…" He mumbled. 

"Yeah, okay kid." She pat his shoulder and snorted, then resumed her walk away from the bridge. 

He sighed and turned around, finding a young female officer approaching him. She held out a datapad. "Here, you'll need this if you're gonna start helping out." 

He took the datapad and opened it, finding a hologram of a radar scan of the surrounding ships. "Thanks." He tried to make sense of the First Order's organization of its ships. "This is insulting…" He mumbled. "They have hardly any actual organization, they're literally just relying on brute force. This is such a waste of resources. And that prick Pryde was always on my arse about expenses…" 

"Do you think we could figure out a way to escape them?" The woman asked him. 

He looked up at her. "Well…that all depends on what you have, from what I've noticed you mostly have smaller ships. X-wings, Y-wings, that sort of thing. Much more heftier than TIE fighters, which is an advantage. The only real advantage they've got is speed, honestly going into one of those is near suicide." He sighed. "If there were less larger ships out there on the First Order's side, I would say focus your smaller fighters and take out their weaknesses one at a time."

"But?" 

Hux shook his head. "They really went overboard with this, I don't see us having much of a chance. As long as they've got the tracking technology to find us through hyperspace, we're sitting ducks."

There was a flash of fear in the officer's eyes, then she seemed to compose herself before speaking. "Well, maybe you'll be able to figure something out with Holdo or Organa." 

It was so tempting to deny that statement. The cynic in him wanted to. But these people had been running for long enough, taking away any hope would only make everything worse. "I'm sure they have more intelligence, I don't have all the information on hand right now." Even so, Hux could read between the lines, he had seen enough battles with the Resistance to know what they had. And it wasn't enough to escape this. "Do you have anything more you could give me?" 

She shook her head. "Nothing that would be helpful, I'm responsible for communications. I just figured I would give you a chance since no one else is." She held out her hand. "Leutenant Connix." 

Hux shook her hand and nodded. "Sorry to disappoint." 

Connix shook her head. "It's not your fault. Just...don't lose hope, okay?" She smiled. "Leia always says that hope is like the sun, if you only believe in it when you see it, you'll never make it through the night." She gave a tired smile and went back to her station. 

The tension in this room could have been cut with a knife. It was hard to even think in here, so Hux found himself walking out into the hallway.

And watching as Ben tried to run sneakily through the perpendicular hallway. 

He found himself running after him. "What the fuck are you doing out of bed!!" He hissed at him. 

Ben kept running. "I'm gonna take an escape pod to sneak onto the star destroyer where Snoke is at and finish this!" 

Armitage followed him. "Are you mad? You're barely healed from your injuries!" 

Ben shook his head. "Doesn't matter. This is the only way we can make it out of this alive." 

"You don't know that!" 

"You can't stop me." Ben pressed the button for the lift. "I need to do this, for myself." 

Armitage shook his head. "And what if Snoke manages to pull you back in, hm? What am I supposed to do then?" 

Ben smiled and stepped onto the elevator. "You know I won't do that." 

"I really don't, with your track record the odds of you coming back--" 

Ben pressed the elevator button. "Never tell me the odds." The door closed and Armitage couldn't help but kick it in rage. 

He found himself using the datapad Connix had given him to access the map of the ship, quickly finding Leia's office. When he got there, he rapidly stabbed his finger into the open button for the door, scowling at it like it was his worst enemy. 

"I think you can stop pressing the button now." Leia said from her desk. There was a woman in her office with short purple hair and a long dress. "Commander Hux, meet Vice Admiral Holdo." 

Hux nodded. "Hullo, nice to meet you. On another note, your son. You're fucking genius of a son! You're stupid, reckless idiot spawn--!"

"Just tell me what he did and save the insults for after!" Leia scowled at him. "What did he do now?"

Hux heaved a long and angry sigh. "He apparently is under the impression that he needs to go and confront Snoke. That that will magically solve this problem." 

Leia scowled. "Even if he does, Snoke will be replaced by Allegiant General Pryde." 

"I KNOW, THAT'S WHY I'M FUCKING PISSED!" He stopped and took a heavy breath. "Pardon my language." 

"I think the language is appropriate, considering the circumstances." Holdo mumbled. "If Ben is persuaded to join Snoke again, we'll be losing a powerful ally." 

"I'm also aware of that!" He shook his head. "I tried to tell him the odds of making it back here in one piece were slim, but he just said to never tell him the odds and then shut the lift door in my fucking face!" 

Leia smiled a bit and shook his head. "He gets that from his father." 

Hux found himself fisting his hands in his hair. "How the hell did you live with that man?" 

Leia folded her hands. "I didn't, not for that long anyway. Our relationship was already strained, even when Ben was young." 

Hux held the bridge of his nose and groaned. "Just please tell me you have some sort of plan, for the love of the Force, I need to hear you have some kind of plan." 

Leia and Holdo looked at each other. "We've got a plan, but we aren't going to come out of it unscathed." Holdo said.

Leia began explaining the escape plan to him, with Holdo occasionally interjecting. 

"If we find out Ben has changed sides again, I want to be the one that stays on the main ship." 

"Hux…" Leia shook her head. 

"If he goes back to that piece of shit, I don't have any reason to keep going. My life has been nothing but a struggle for power and control. Losing him will be the last straw." Hux shook his head, swallowing hard. 

He felt his hand being held by two hands. "You have so much more to live for than just for one person." He looked up and Holdo was smiling at him in a way that made his gut twist. That calm and gentle smile...he hadn't seen a smile with such reassurance and faith in him since…

Since his mother. 

"You're an intelligent young man, I've seen the work you did for the First Order. No matter what we lose in all of this, losing someone with your tactical skills and practical knowledge would be an even bigger loss." She let go of his hand and he couldn't help but feel regret at the loss of warmth and comfort.

Hux had to take a deep breath to keep moisture out of his eyes and nodded. "Okay." He looked down. "Sorry I'm getting overemotional, it's just...things aren't looking good right now and…you remind me of my mother." 

Holdo nodded. "She must have been important to you, for you to react like this." She certainly had been. He couldn't remember much of her, since she had died when he was a child. But what he did remember left an aching wound in his psyche that had never been allowed to heal. His father had beaten him for crying about her, and his father's wife had done nothing but speak ill of the other woman.

Hux nodded, taking another heavy breath. "So who's going to do it? Who's going to sacrifice themselves?" 

Leia and Holdo looked at each other. "We'll make that decision when the time comes." Leia said. 

When Hux returned to the bridge, Poe approached him. "Hey, can I talk to you for a hot minute?" 

Hux scowled. "I don't know what the hell a hot minute is, but if you want to talk to me, then yes." 

Poe nodded and led him into the hallway. "Okay, so Finn was apparently trying to escape on an escape pod and ran into some mechanic on the ship, and your boyfriend ran into her too when he was trying to leave."

Hux heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh thank heavens, is he back in our room?"

Poe shook his head. "Not exactly." 

"The medbay?" 

"Not exactly." 

Hux narrowed his eyes. "Where is he?" 

Poe bit his lip. "On a mission to find a master codebreaker so they can break into the ship with the tracking device and dismantle it." 

Hux glared at him. "Please tell me you're joking." 

Poe shook his head. "Listen, this is the only way out of here! If they can shut down the tracking systems, then we'll have a chance to escape." 

Hux shook his head. "No, this is a suicide mission that has a very small chance of success." 

"So you just want us to keep going til we run out of fuel?" 

Hux shook his head. "That isn't what I said. Just rushing into action like this is only going to get more people killed." 

"And doing nothing isn't?" Poe shouted. 

"Why do you assume that we're doing nothing?" 

Poe shook his head. "You're still loyal to them, aren't you?" 

Hux sighed and held the bridge of his nose. "So we're resorting to accusations now." 

"Yeah, we are. There's no way I'm gonna believe that you would ever join our side. I've heard plenty about you. You're a power-hungry, egotistical, manipulative fuckwad and I'm glad no one is listening to you!" Poe glared at him. 

Hux sighed and shook his head. "Perhaps you should have some faith in Leia and Holdo? They know what they're doing." 

Poe nodded. "Yeah, and if I do that then we're gonna lose to the First Order! But you'd like that wouldn't you?!" 

"I most certainly wouldn't, but if you knew a single thing about strategy instead of just flying around in your cute little X-wing and blowing things up, or maybe just take your head out of your arse, you would understand that you can't just use brute force to solve every problem! Wars are not won in a single battle, in a single day. If we want the survival of the Resistance, it means we're going to have to act with caution and minimal casualties in mind." He shook his head. "Do you at least have a comm or something to talk to your little rag-tag crew?" 

Poe sighed and pulled out a comm, handing it to him. Hux took it and spoke into it. "Ben? Are you there?" 

"Hello?" A not-Ben voice responded.

"Can I talk to the tall, dark, and handsome idiot in your little suicide group?" 

"Only if you say please." The voice that he assumed belonged to the stormtrooper responded. 

Hux rolled his eyes. "Please let me speak to the fucking lightsaber-brandishing moron you are currently travelling with!" 

There was a pause, then Ben's voice was responding. "I'm guessing you're taking my mom's side in this?" 

Hux growled into the comm. "If you mean the side that isn't out of their goddamn minds, then certainly. Yes, that's the side I'm on. The side of sanity and self-preservation, you should try it sometime!" 

"It's gonna work out, alright? I promise." 

Hux shook his head. "Don't you care about how I feel? I don't want to lose you again. If you get taken back by Snoke, you're…" He turned away from Poe and mumbled into the comm. "You're going to break my heart."

There was a pause. "I'm sorry. But I need to do this. To make up for what I've done, the people I've hurt." 

Hux swallowed hard, this time unable to control the moisture building up in his eyes. "Please. Please just listen to me." 

"Sorry, Ben gave me the comm back. He heard what you said, though." The stormtrooper said. Hux groaned and rubbed his eyes, holding the comm out for Poe. 

He felt Poe take it. "Hey, they're gonna make it, okay? You just need to have faith." He felt Poe rub his shoulder. 

"Faith in what? In some crazy plan that has too many dependencies and could easily fail?" Hux shook his head. "Nevermind, I'm going back to the bridge." He turned and left. If he couldn't stop Ben from going, then he could at least help give him more time.

Poe had gone off the fucking deep end. He had completely gone bananas. Hux had been working with Holdo, minding his business, making sure that the X-wings were providing decent cover and using maneuvers that would work better against TIE-fighters when he had been fucking stunned. When he woke up, he was in a transport ship. 

He sat up and looked around, finding that Poe was also unconscious and laying nearby. Huh. 

"If you're wondering, Poe's little mutiny failed." He looked over and Leia was sitting next to him. She sighed and moved the chair so that it was next to where Poe was still unconscious. 

"You're on the transport ship." Hux looked out the window, seeing that the main ship was still moving. "That means...Holdo was the one to sacrifice herself."

"She was willing to do it so that the Resistance could survive." 

Hux looked at her. "You could have used me, I'm not as experienced as she is, I have a history with the First Order." 

Leia shook her head. Hux groaned and laid back on his makeshift cot and groaned. "What about Ben?" 

Leia shrugged. "Poe had the comm, didn't he?" 

Hux sighed and got off the cot, going to Poe and finding the comm in his pocket. "Hullo?" 

Nothing. Silence. "Ben? Finn? Anyone?" 

Still nothing. He swallowed hard. "Fuck." The ship shook and there was a loud boom. He looked out the window and saw that a transport ship nearby had been taken down. "They're still after us." He swallowed hard. 

Leia nodded. "It's not looking good." 

Hux watched, helpless, as more transport ships became bursts of light and sound, and then debris in space. They would be sharing that fate any second now, it seemed. He couldn't help but think about his life, what he had done. Killed billions with a superweapon, killed people to hide a secret he should have never felt ashamed of to begin with. He had lied, cheated, and manipulated his way to the top, or as close to the top as he could get. And for what? Happiness? Control? He had still had neither. 

He just prayed that Ben hadn't been captured, that he had rejoined Snoke and was, at least, still alive. Even if Hux’s sacrifices were for nothing. 

And then he noticed that the main ship was moving. It almost looked like it was preparing for…

He let out a cry as the ship sliced through the mega-class star destroyer. There was no surviving that. Holdo was gone. Even if he had only known her for a few hours, her calm yet confident demeanor and kindness to him, despite having every reason not to trust him, had left an impact. A small part of him felt like he had lost his mother all over again. He put a hand over his mouth, sinking to the floor. 

"Woah, are you okay?" He heard Poe mumble groggily. 

Hux didn't respond, eyes shut tight. He felt shaky and he felt like he was swallowing gravel. 

"Hey, can you guys hear me?" The voice from the comm spoke, full of static. 

Hux pulled it out, fumbling. "Is Ben with you?" 

Finn sighed. "No, he left to find Snoke. Worst part is that he left before we got captured." 

Hux shut his eyes tight, praying that Ben wouldn't go back to serving Snoke. That the universe would just let him have this one thing, this one person he could trust and be happy with. If they weren’t captured, then there was a chance that Ben could make it out of this.

"Hey, can I have the comm?" Poe tapped his shoulder. 

Hux sighed and held it out, and Poe took it, talking to Finn. He felt a hand rub his back and looked up, seeing Leia. "He'll make it, he's stronger than you think." Leia smiled down at him.


	4. I've decided to resurrect a star wars extended universe character and none of you can stop me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've written a lot for this fic honestly, I've uploaded 40 pages at this point and I've written 60 so far, but this is my first Star Wars fic and I'm afraid that I'm doing a shit job but I'm enjoying writing this and I want some wholesome kylux goddammit.

Hux had all but given up on Ben when they had been getting ready for their last stand on Crait. He hadn't returned with Finn and that mechanic girl, after all. 

Poe had grabbed his shoulder. "How are your flying skills?"

Hux looked down. "Not great."

"How not great?" 

Hux cleared his throat. "I barely passed the required test to graduate at the academy."

Poe scowled. "Wait, seriously? But you command fleets all the time." 

Hux glared at him. "I can tell them where to go, not drive them myself."

Poe stared at him for a few seconds, then blinked. "You don't...you don't drive a ship." He shook his head. "Nevermind." He walked away. 

Hux had ended up commanding the soldiers who were in the trenches outside, he hadn't had a lot of experience commanding on-the-ground troops like this, but it was enough. And when he saw that the stormtrooper had crashed out on the field. He had used his binoculars that he had been given to see if they were alive so he could send out a medic. The stormtrooper was fine, but the mechanic girl was definitely not. And then he saw the stormtrooper kiss the girl. Well that was going to piss off Poe. He could remember seeing the man spend a concerning amount of time in the stormtrooper's room while the guy was in a coma. He was glad he was back here with the troops instead of dealing with that bullshit.

He had been ready to give up when they discovered the rocks blocking their escape, and when they lifted through what was clearly the Force he assumed it was that scavenger girl or something. 

Instead it was Ben, standing outside with his hand outstretched, the Millennium falcon behind him. "BEN!" He sprinted out and almost tackled the larger man, not caring about what everyone else saw. Ben was back, he hadn't been swayed by Snoke. Everyone else could fuck off, as far as he was concerned.

He was involuntarily sobbing into the crook of Ben's neck as he felt his back being rubbed. "You came back." He whispered. 

"I said I would." Hux pulled back and Ben was smiling at him.

"Where's Rey?" Poe walked out of the cave, with everyone else following him. 

Despite thinking a moment ago that everyone else didn’t matter, hearing Poe speak up made him realize that he was currently the spectacle of a large group of people. And he was crying in front of them. He couldn’t help but pull away from Ben, smoothing his unwrinkled tunic and clearing his throat. 

Ben swallowed hard and his smile faded. "Snoke convinced her that he would be able to show her her parents, her real parents, if she joined him. In exchange Snoke promised to let me and Chewie go." 

Poe shook his head. "No, she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't betray everyone like that." 

Ben shook his head. "I wish it wasn't true." He took Armitage's hand. "Let's get going. Do you have enough ships to get out of here?" 

Poe nodded. "Yeah, it'll have to do. You might need to make some room on your ship." 

Ben seemed to be a bit confused for a minute before he realized Poe was talking about the Millennium Falcon. "Yeah, sure." 

When everyone had been divided into groups to go on the few ships the Resistance still had, Poe had managed to end up on the Millennium Falcon while Finn had stayed on the medic's ship to stay with the mechanic girl. 

"Did you see…?"

"Yes." Poe clenched his jaw. 

"Mmhmm." Hux nodded, sipping the tea he had made for himself, Ben, and the wookiee, who apparently had been almost a third parent to Ben growing up, and had welcomed Hux by lifting him by the armpits like a small child and roaring in his face. According to Ben, he had said that if Hux hurt Ben in anyway at all he would be turned into a pretzel. How nice.

"Do you think he actually was into her or was that like, a pity kiss? Or maybe it was like, a friendly kiss." Poe looked over at him. 

Hux raised a brow. "How many friends do you kiss on the mouth?"

Poe winced. "It was totally a pity kiss. I mean, they barely know each other!" He snorted. "There's no way Finn is actually into her." 

Hux could only raise his eyebrows and sip his tea. "Not sure why you're discussing this with me…"

"It was totally a pity kiss. And you're the one that brought it up!" 

Hux nodded. "Keep telling yourself that, I only asked because I saw it happen." 

Poe slumped. "Fuck." He shook his head. "I thought we had something, y'know?" He sighed and folded his arms. "He was a really sweet guy, and we clicked when we first met, I thought...I thought I had a chance." 

Another awkward tea sip to break the silence and pretend that was a valid response. 

"You saw it, what did you think?" Poe put his hands on his hips, tilting his head. 

Hux shrugged. "I thought you would react in this exact same way. It's like you're going through the stages of grief. We're in denial right now." 

Poe shook his head. "I'm not in denial. Y'know what, this is total bullshit! I know Finn for like, weeks and this girl, this frumpy lil whoever, comes in and suddenly Finn is smitten!"

Cue awkward tea sip. "Now we're in anger." 

"Shut up! This is such bullshit!" He growled and balled his fists. "Maybe if I talk to him, tell him how I feel he'll change his mind, maybe he only kissed her to make me jealous." 

"And here we go into bargaining."

Poe slumped and sat at a bench nearby, the heels of his hands pressing into his eyes. "Fuck, you're right. It's just...it's not fair. I really liked him, I really thought we had chemistry, and then...he just tossed me aside for this girl." 

"She did manage to help the Resistance in that little mission you conspired in." 

"Not helping." 

Hux nodded. "Right, cuz you're in the depression stage right now." 

Poe shook his head. "Just leave me alone. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up like that." He leaned back and his eyes were shining with tears. "I mean...even if he did like guys, the chances of him being okay with dating someone like me are…" He took a deep breath. "Pretty slim." 

Hux frowned. "Someone like you?" 

Poe nodded. "I'm…I'm trans." He looked down. 

Hux went wide-eyed. "Really?" He blinked. "Me too." 

Poe blinked and looked up. "Say what now?" 

Hux nodded. "One of the reasons I left the First Order. I had to hide it in order to be respected. Pryde had met me before I transitioned, so he lorded the secret over me by calling me by my deadname, calling me a woman, and just all around never took me seriously." 

"No wonder you wanna blow him up." 

Hux nodded. "If I can romance Emo Mctantrumpants, I'm sure you'll have a chance with someone." 

"I heard that!" Ben called from the cockpit. 

Hux smiled. "I was hoping you did!" 

Poe smiled a bit. "Thanks, that actually makes me feel a little better." He swallowed hard. "But he even decided to stay with her instead of going with me." 

Hux nodded. "I saw." He sat next to Poe. "Maybe try finding love elsewhere."

Poe shook his head. "I can't stop thinking about him." He closed his eyes. 

"Then tell him how you feel." 

Another head shake. "If he's happy with her, I shouldn't ruin that." 

Hux sighed and stood. "Then I dunno what to tell you." He walked over to the cockpit, where Chewie and Ben were talking. 

Ben spun his chair around to see Hux. "Hey, Ginger Mcangrybottom." He smirked. 

Hux scowled. "I'm not a bottom!" 

"That's what a bottom would say." Ben smirked. 

Hux rolled his eyes. "I was just coming in to check in on you." 

Ben shrugged. "Nothing much to check in on, we still have a little while to go in hyperspace, so there's nothing we need to do. Unless you wanna make out." 

Chewie gave an angry huff. 

Ben shrugged. "You could leave the room, give us some privacy." 

Chewie gave an angry roar. 

Ben snorted. "I'm a grown man, I'm gonna do that kinda thing." 

Chewie reached over and ruffled Ben's hair, making a bunch of mewling sounds. 

Ben sighed. "Yeah, but still." He smiled. 

"What the fuck is he saying?" Armitage scowled. 

Ben looked over. "He was mad at my making out comment, and he just said that I'll always be one of his cubs." 

Armitage rolled his eyes. "Isn't that corny as fuck." He looked at the wookiee. "Could we please have some privacy?" 

Chewie seemed to look between them, considering, then finally stood up and ducked his head out of the cockpit. "He's overprotective." Ben tried to explain, as if that needed explaining.

"No! I never would have guessed." Armitage scowled.

Ben snorted, then turned to watch hyperspace stream by out the window. "When I was a kid I dreamed of flying with my dad on this ship, of it being my own. He always went off on smuggling adventures and whatever else, always leaving me behind and only coming back with the stories. And now it is my ship, and it feels so empty without him here." 

Armitage took his hand. "We all make mistakes." 

Ben nodded. "Yeah, I'll definitely agree to that." He stretched and sighed. 

After a few moments of quiet, Hux scooted over to Ben and leaned on his shoulder. "Where are we going?"

Ben shrugged. "Some obscure outer rim planet. Apparently it's where my uncle trained my mom." 

"Mmhm." Hux nodded. "So...were you pretty much raised by wookiees?" 

Ben shrugged. "’Til I was about ten, yeah. I mean, when I was really little I spent time on Chandrila, but otherwise most of my childhood was spent on Kashyyyk. My parents both had busy lives being everything but parents, so they had me stay with Chewie and his family, since my dad let him take time off to be with them. Guess they got tired of being boring old parents and wanted to go back to being exciting and adventurous people or whatever." 

Armitage couldn't help but stare at Ben. "That explains so much." He sipped his tea. "Is that how you got to be so tall?" 

Ben shook his head and frowned at Armitage. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

"I'm just wondering where the tall came from, considering your mother is very short, your father is average height, and you are a very tall person." Hux shrugged. "Just wondering. And your temper and wild nature are...explained now. I understand." Hux nodded. 

Ben rolled his eyes. "That's not where I got it from." 

"Okay, then where did it come from?" Armitage shrugged. "I want to know more about you."

Ben looked at the controls of the ship, then sighed. "It's complicated." 

"I would imagine." Armitage shrugged. "Doesn't mean I don't want to hear about it." 

"It's hard for me to explain." He sighed and took out his lightsaber. "My anger and hatred was something that built up over time. My family's expectations, their abandonment of me, and Luke's attempted murder drove me over the edge. Not to mention being the son of two galactic heroes made it virtually impossible to have any real friends, especially when I started my training as a Jedi." He sighed. "I used to be a lot different, I used to want to please everyone in my family. To live up to that legacy. There were legends being told about me the day I was born." 

Armitage nodded. "That's a lot of pressure." 

Ben looked over. "What about you? You've never mentioned your mother, but I can tell she's on your mind. Anger, grief...I can sense it in you."

"Why are you always sensing everything? It's like I don't get any privacy." Armitage huffed.

Ben shrugged. "For as distrusting and closed-off as you are, is that a bad thing?"

Armitage looked down. "I don't know. She died when I was seven. My father's wife hated her, so...she had her removed." 

"So why is this suddenly on your mind?" 

"Because Vice Admiral Holdo reminded me of her. My mother was just a kitchen maid, but she was always calm, always positive. I think she was the only person who ever loved me." Armitage swallowed hard and looked down. "Holdo had that air of calm and optimism that my mother had."

Ben took his hands. "And your father took her away from you, just like how the First Order took away Holdo." He reached up to stroke Armitage's cheek. "I'm sorry. I know my issues probably seem like nothing to you, after all the shit you tell me. But I'm glad that you're opening up like this." He smiled. "And she isn't the only person who loves you." 

Armitage shook his head and swallowed hard, feeling his vision blur. "I don't even know what love is." 

"You've shown it to me, even if you didn't realize it. You never gave up on me, you're probably the only person who isn't willing to put up with my bullshit." Ben sniffled and laughed a little. "Fuck, I thought I was over crying all the time." He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "I just know that I wanna protect you, and show you that people are better than you think, and that you deserve so much more than what the world has given you." 

Armitage shook his head, unable to stop the tears at this point. He couldn't even say words, only shake his head in disbelief. He had spent so much of his life being told he was worthless and unlovable. And yet here Ben was, proving him wrong time and time again. He buried his face in Ben's shoulder and sobbed. 

Ben rubbed his back. "It's okay to show emotions sometimes, Armie. It's part of being a sentient living thing." He kissed his head. 

"Don't tell me what to do." Armitage mumbled and they both laughed. 

After a few minutes of wordlessly holding each other, Ben spoke up. "After I drop everyone off, I want to go back to Luke. His location is still in the Falcon's records. I wanna work things out with him." 

Armitage nodded. "Do you want me to stay with you or leave with the others to give you space?" 

"I want you to come. You should meet him, he was a big part of my life." 

Armitage sighed and nodded, unable to resist the feeling of intimidation at the thought of meeting the last Jedi. 

When they arrived on Ahch-to (no, Armitage didn't know how to pronounce it either), Ben managed to find Luke relatively quickly, able to handle the large hills and mountainous terrain easily while Armitage did his best to follow. The arduous workout definitely would have been more enjoyable with Ben shirtless, if he was honest. And the fact that his beautiful custom-tailored First Order uniform was getting dirty and torn didn't help. Maybe he shouldn't have mourned it's ruin, but he was vain and had always loved the uniform. 

When they got to Luke, Armitage was out of breath, holding his sides. The scruffy old man's eyes seemed to dart between the two men for a few moments, as if trying to decide what to address first: his estranged nephew, or the skinny beanpole man sweating buckets and breathing heavy. "Ben, how--" 

"I'm sorry. For everything." Ben swallowed and looked down. "I should have told you about hearing Snoke in my mind, I should have--."

"Stop." Luke held up his hand. "What happened was my fault. I should have spoken to you instead of becoming violent. I failed you, both as your master and uncle." 

Ben shook his head. "No, I caused so much pain and destruction--." 

Luke stepped forward. "Because Snoke had influenced you, had used your pain and weaknesses to turn you into his tool." 

"Can we just figure out who's at fault in this already?" Armitage grumbled. "My feet hurt." 

Luke scowled."Who the hell are you?" 

Ben frowned. "My boyfriend." 

Luke narrowed his eyes as he scowled at Armitage, and Armitage could feel a weird prodding feeling in his mind. Leia had been right about Ben getting her mind reading skills, he was always much more subtle about it, able to go deeper without the person noticing. Armitage tried to ignore the weird feeling and let him do it. Luke nodded. "Yeah, alright. He passes the test, for now anyways. You guys should come inside, it's gonna rain soon." 

"Great, because this little trip wasn't fun enough without leaving me damp and cold." Armitage mumbled. Ever since he was a child, he had grown to hate the rain. It reminded him of his home planet of Arkanis, where a day of sunshine was a rare sight. He absolutely despised the wet and the cold, and avoided the more aquatic planets because of that.

Luke snorted. "I like this one, he's got a lot of spunk and willpower for someone with absolutely no force sensitivity at all." 

Armitage frowned. "What?" 

Luke looked at Ben. "You never said anything?" 

Ben shook his head. "He's actually kinda sensitive about it, he was a sith fanboy." 

"Shush!!" Hux hissed. 

Luke chuckled. "It's not necessarily something to be ashamed of, if anything it's a pretty rare occurrence. Most people have some amount of connection to the Force. It's the energy of the universe that binds us all together, after all. So most people have some level of sensitivity to it. But you? You're one of the rare few I've met who has absolutely nothing at all." 

Armitage frowned. "So I'm not connected to everyone else?" 

Luke shook his head. "That's not what I said. I said you have no connection to the Force, not people. It's just a condition that some people have. You're probably naturally clumsy, and I could tell that you're mind is extremely open and easy to breach, even for someone like me who isn't even that skilled at it." 

Armitage could remember being a child, dropping things and tripping over himself. But his father had beaten it out of him pretty quickly, or at least made a violent effort to do so. "That explains a lot." 

Luke nodded. "It's almost ironic if you think about it, considering Ben was strong with the Force even when he was in the womb."

Armitage shot Ben a withering look. "Good for him." 

Luke seemed to pick up on Armitage’s resentment and nodded. “Right...let’s head inside before the rain catches us.”

Dinner, or what the short old man considered dinner (seriously, where had Ben gotten the tall from?? Had his mother fed him Miracle Grow or something when he was a child?), was fish and some weird slimy green vegetation that was probably native to the planet. Armitage had not missed the constant diet of fish from his childhood, so he was once again disappointed by this trip. 

Luke let them all eat in silence before finally speaking up, the wood from the small fireplace cracking every now and then. "Now, do you know what happened to Rey? She left here after having a vision about you or something." 

Ben avoided Luke's eyes. "You're gonna be mad when I tell you."

Luke rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna be mad if you don't tell me!"

"She switched sides. That's what Ben told us. Apparently Snoke said he could tell her who her parents were or some rubbish. If you asked me, parents are overrated." Armitage wrinkled his nose a bit and tried to swallow down the fish without gagging. 

Luke seemed surprised at first, and then after a moment of silence he spoke up. "I knew she had been attracted to the darkness on the island, but I didn't think…" He shook his head. "She wouldn't actually follow Snoke, she's just doing this to get what she wants, right?"

"Even if that's the case, abandoning her friends for this is still concerning." Ben finally spoke.

Luke nodded. "Snoke could use that to his advantage, exploit her desire for family."

"Not much we can do right now, the Resistance is completely in hiding. Any moves made will have to wait until more resources can be secured." Armitage felt like an outsider, with the two others talking about the Force and darkness and light. When he was younger he would have called it all bollocks, but he had seen what Ben could do with the Force. But he felt like he had to speak up, there was no way he was going to let Ben go on some crazy suicide mission like that again. 

Luke nodded. "I'm sure you'll have time before any big changes happen." He looked at Ben. "And what about you? You're back with the Resistance, so are you a part of the light, or the darkness?"

Ben shook his head. "I don't think I really want a hand in either, to be honest. The light had so many high expectations, and emotions like anger and resentment were seen as wrong. As something I was supposed to suppress. But you can't suppress those feelings, not in a healthy way anyway. And the dark...I was allowed to be angry, but in order to have power I had to sacrifice any human connection." He shook his head. "This cycle of the power struggle between the light and the dark needs to end. If we really want peace and balance, maybe we have to find something in the middle, rather than something on one side or the other."

"I agree. The Jedi of old were full of hypocrisy, they preached selflessness and compassion while stealing children away from their families at three years old, and forbidding any of their members to have meaningful connections." Luke sighed. "The sith were worse for a long time, their origins involved wiping out an entire species to secure power. But either way, you're right. If we want this to truly end, we need real balance." 

Ben nodded. "Did you ever get in contact with any of the survivors of the Jedi academy being destroyed?"

Luke frowned. "I thought you killed everyone who wasn't in the Knights of Ren..."

Ben shook his head. "Not everyone, there were some we missed and...some I couldn't bring myself to kill." 

Armitage had somehow picked the perfect time to gag on the slimy green stuff right as Luke's look of shock formed. 

Ben looked at him. "You okay?"

Armitage nodded, picking up a cup of…what the fuck even was this stuff? It looked like green milk? Was this what the old Jedi survived on for so many years? No wonder he looked so grumpy. At least the odd milk didn't taste terrible. 

"Who survived?" Luke asked with hopeful eyes, and it was the most emotion he had seen the old man show since they came here. 

Ben shrugged. "As far as I know? Only Lowbacca." 

"You guys practically grew up together." Luke nodded. "Wonder if he joined the Resistance, he was good with computers and droids…" 

Ben suddenly looked afraid. "It was more because he's a wookiee, and I didn't want my arms ripped off." He mumbled. "If he's in the Resistance I'm doomed." 

Armitage scowled at him. "You pissed off a wookiee?" 

Ben slowly looked at him. "We were destroying the Jedi from within, we thought we were getting rid of a flawed and broken ideology." 

"You mean to tell me you pissed off a FORCE SENSITIVE wookiee?" Armitage yelled. "I didn't even know those existed!" 

"They're incredibly rare, Ben had to spend his first year at the academy hanging out with him and being his translator because no one else understood shyriiwook." Luke added, as if Armitage wasn't in the middle of panicking at the fact that he could potentially be attacked by an angry wookiee.

Ben looked down, avoiding his eyes. "He's a wookiee, they aren't easy to take down, especially if you give them a lightsaber." 

Armitage shook his head. "That's it!" He put the disgusting travesty Luke called dinner down and stood. "I'm done. You can figure out this whole enraged wookiee business on your own. I'm going to wait in the ship, then as soon as we get to the new base I'm keeping away from you." Armitage turned to leave. 

"Armie…" Ben whined and grabbed his pant leg like a small child. "C'mon, don't leave me. I'm sorry, if he does attack me I'll make sure you're out of the way." 

Ugh, Ben was looking at him with those stupid big puppy eyes again. "Fine...but I'm still waiting on the ship." He pulled away from Ben and left, then as soon as he stepped outside he heard a crack of thunder and within seconds rain was pouring down on him and he was practically soaked when he got back to the ship. 

Chewbacca started guffawing at him as soon as he stepped inside. 

"Don't laugh at me, you furry…giant!" Armitage had run out of insults for the day. It was dark, he was exhausted after the eighteen-hour struggle to outrun the First Order, and he wanted nothing more than to clean himself in a refresher and then go into hibernation as soon as his head hit a pillow.


	5. Poe Ex Machina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, Lowbacca apparently means dutiful friend in shyriiwook so I figured that he would be super pissed at Ben but also still show him decency and mercy. I put him in this because I remembered reading the extended universe when I was younger and reading that Lowbacca (or Lowie) was a Jedi, and since he and Ben are around the same age (Lowie is a year older) I would resurrect him from Star Wars Legends because the idea of them growing up together is wholesome and sad.

When the Millennium Falcon landed in the hangar bay on Ajan Kloss, Hux found himself following closely behind Ben, hoping that his larger frame would serve as protection. 

Until he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Chewbacca holding him back, then calling something to Ben. 

Ben turned around and sighed. "Chewie says he'll make sure you won't get hurt." 

Armitage frowned. "And what about you?" 

Ben looked at Chewie. "He probably sees this as my consequences after killing my dad."

Chewie grumbled at Ben, looking annoyed. 

Ben sighed. "Fine, that's fair. This is my fault, anyway. What happened at the Jedi academy was because of my own issues, same thing with my father." He sighed and began walking out of the ship, and then after a moment of giving him a head start Chewie led Armitage out. 

They almost got to Leia's office before a roar was heard at the end of the hall. Sure enough, a wookiee with a red and black pelt was where the roar came from, looking ready to murder. 

Ben began backing away, ready to turn and run as the wookiee charged full speed at him. That didn't work out, however, because Ben was Force-shoved until he was stuck against the wall behind him. 

The younger wookiee caught up to them and wrapped his hand around Ben's throat and began roaring and growling at him. Armitage wanted to step in and try to be the peacemaker in the situation, considering he was in love with the person currently clawing at a wookiee hand and gagging. But he knew zero shyriiwook, and he was pretty sure Ben couldn't translate if he couldn't breathe. And it wasn't like he could do anything physically, there was no overpowering a fucking wookiee (and a force sensitive one to boot).

Armitage looked up at Chewbacca. "I don't suppose you would be willing to teach me how to understand your language?" If he couldn't go anything right now, perhaps he could be productive in other ways.

Instead of answering, Chewie instead began dragging him down the hall, away from Ben. Armitage struggled to keep up so that he wouldn't end up looking like a rag doll.

Finally, they came to Leia's office. "Oh thank heavens, general your son is being attacked by some enraged wookiee that he apparently grew up with." 

Leia nodded, smiling. "Lowbacca, right? He's your nephew, isn't he?" 

Chewie grunted and nodded. 

Leia chuckled. "They'll work it out, I'm sure. And if not I'll go talk to them and…separate them" She folded her hands on the desk. "Is that all?" 

Armitage looked between the two for a moment. "Wh...well I asked if Chewbacca would teach me his language, then he dragged me here." 

Chewie added in what was probably an explanation for why Armitage had been dragged here. 

Leia paused a bit before nodding. "I can get you an office, but Hux, I should warn you that it's a hard language to learn. Even after years of talking to Chewie, sometimes I can't pick up what he said. There's usually a lot of...static. Han spent a long time with Chewie, and Ben was practically raised by wookiees, so that's the only reason why they can understand shyriiwook so well."

Armitage rolled his eyes. "General Organa, I'll have you know I graduated at the top of my class at the academy and got excellent marks in both Huttese and Mando'a. I assure you I will be fine." He smiled confidently, not feeling as confident as his smile but wanting to put up a good front.

Leia looked at him for a moment, clearly seeing through the facade, but finally nodding anyway. "Alright, let me figure out an office for you guys to get started. In the meantime…" Leia got out a datapad from her desk drawer. "Maybe use this to translate." She held it out for Chewie, who grabbed it. 

After a bit of tinkering, Chewie growled at the datapad, then held it out to Armitage. 

On the datapad, it said: There's a translating program on here, we'll have to use this to communicate for now. I was getting tired of having Ben translate.

Armitage nodded. "Yes, I could see how that might get irritating."

Chewie spoke into the datapad again and held it out: Especially since you're his mate, if this is going to be a long term thing I'm going to start pulling my hair out.

Armitage stared at the screen. "That's one way of putting it." Mate felt a lot more...intimate than just saying they were dating or that Armitage was Ben's boyfriend, but he could understand why the wookiee would use that term instead.

Once they found an office to begin Armitage's shyriiwook lesson, Armitage finally began understanding what Leia had meant by static. The teaching program they used would say the word or phrase, and then when Chewbacca said it, it became harder to understand. It was also a very complicated language in general, more complicated than Basic (and more complicated than Huttese or Mando'a, which he had to admit he had forgotten most of since his academy years).

The lesson was interrupted when a tired and bruised looking Ben came in and sat at the chair next to Armitage. He held up an ice pack to his cheek. 

"So… How'd it go?" Armitage said carefully.

Ben sighed, and when he spoke his voice came out as a weak croak. "He doesn't wanna kill me anymore."

Armitage nodded. "That's good, definitely better than the opposite scenario." 

Ben looked at him, eyebrows raised. "Sure. He's never gonna trust me ever again, which I deserve, but he was willing to take me to the medbay for an ice pack and had apparently sensed I was on the Resistance ship before but had left me alone because I was recovering from Starkiller, so there's that." He looked down at the datapad they were using. "What're you guys up to?" 

Armitage smiled. "I've begun trying to learn shyriiwook, figured it would come in handy. Should start learning other languages as well, considering there are so many different alien species in the Resistance…" In the First Order, nonhumans were seen as second-class citizens, and weren't even allowed in the military. They served the First Order as servants, cooks. Armitage had always felt at least somewhat sympathetic towards them, being the son of a kitchen maid himself. He knew what it was like to be looked down upon and belittled for where you came from. Then again, training at the academy had been a process of stomping out feelings like sympathy and compassion, so it felt odd to let himself feel these things after years of ignoring any kind instincts he had.

Ben snorted, pulling Armitage out of his train of thought. "Good luck, I only know it cuz I grew up hearing it." He stretched and winced. "How's he doing so far?" 

Chewie spoke, and Armitage peeked down at the datapad: Terribly. 

Well, at least he was honest.

Ben smirked. "Told you." He snorted into wheezing giggles, then soon quieted down. He sighed. "How are you not collapsing from exhaustion?" 

Armitage shrugged. "I get an average of three hours sleep a night, being exhausted is normal for me. During finals week of my last year at the academy I was awake for four days straight, running off of caf."

Ben closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. "Just hearing you say that makes me even more tired."

Armitage smiled a bit and continued making snail-speed progress on his first lesson, trying his best to get the basics down. About ten minutes after Ben had said his last words, Armitage heard a loud snore from where Ben's head was resting on his shoulder. 

"Alright, perhaps there's a written version of the language we could start with? Maybe getting that down first would be helpful." Armitage tried to suggest. 

Chewie shook his head, and after speaking the datapad read: There's no written language, we just use the Aurabesh.

Armitage opened his mouth to give a snarky reply of disappointment when Ben gave another obnoxiously loud snore. Armitage couldn't help but scowl down at him. So he was a snorer. How lovely. Armitage sighed. "I should probably help him to bed, the Force knows we're all exhausted."

Chewie nodded. The datapad reported what he said as: I was just about to suggest that. 

Armitage nodded. "Right, well...it was nice getting to know you a bit better, considering you practically raised Ben…" He wondered if the wookiee would object and defend Han Solo, considering the man was dead and had been close to him. 

Chewie tilted his head, then finally spoke. Armitage looked at the datapad: I want to disagree with you, but you're right. Just take care of him. 

"Of course." Armitage nodded. "I'll ask Leia to show us to where we'll be living while we're here. Hopefully sleeping beauty will be able to walk by himself…" He scowled down at said sleeping beauty and pushed him off his shoulder. "Naptime is over, we're going to talk to your mom and figure out where we're living and then take you to bed."

Ben grunted and his eyes opened a few centimeters. "Dojsndnsnd." 

Armitage nodded. "Of course. Just need to walk until we get to a bed." He had no clue what the larger man said, he just wanted to get both Ben and himself to bed so they could finally sleep after all the drama.

"I'm so fuckin' tired." Ben mumbled before slowly standing up. 

It seemed that Leia had thought ahead of them, or maybe Poe had somehow come to the conclusion that after their awkward conversation they were suddenly friends now, because he peeked his head in. "Hey, Leia said you guys were doin' stuff in here and that when you're done I'm supposed to help you get settled in." 

Armitage gave a tight smile. "We're ready now." He stood. "Ben is barely speaking coherent Basic."

Ben interjected with a weak "mfdndn…"

Poe looked at him for a few moments before looking back at Hux. "Yeah." He nodded. "I'll show you where you're staying too, Chewie." 

Chewie nodded and held out an arm, as if to say "lead the way."

After dropping Chewie off at his small apartment, Poe walked them to where they would be staying. "Leia managed to get you a nice place, just a one-bedroom joint, but better than living in the barracks with the lower-ranking officers." He smiled. 

Armitage nodded, his arm around Ben, who was starting to lean on him too much. "I'll sleep in the fucking woods if I have to." He mumbled. He was probably about as tired as Ben, but he had learned to stay aware and focused even when exhausted a long time ago. 

"Mm." Ben agreed. Armitage nodded and pat his shoulder. 

Poe smirked. "I also got a lil surprise for you." He opened the apartment door. "Someone said that this lil thing belonged to y--"

"MILLIE!!" Hux screeched, chucking Ben aside and running into the apartment. Of course, the little demon started running away from him, but there was no hiding. After everything that happened, Armitage had settled on the depressing conclusion that Millie had probably been left behind in everyone's fleeing to the transports. Armitage hadn't had time to grab her, anyways, since a fucking certain genius pilot had stunned him. 

Meanwhile, Ben grunted and barely kept himself from completely faceplanting as his main source of balance abandoned him. 

Armitage managed to finally get his hands on her, carrying her to the doorway. "I thought she was done for…"

Poe smiled. "Yeah, I guess one of the other officers remembered she was on board and grabbed her before getting onto the transport. They used her tag on her collar to figure out who she belonged to." His smile morphed into a teasing smirk. "You are the last person I would imagine having a cat. Didn't know you had a soft spot." 

Armitage glared at him. "I don't, I'm only here because I've got nowhere else to go. Isn't that right, my sweet lil ginger baby muffin?" He mumbled the last part to Millie and kissed her head. 

Poe burst out laughing. "Yeah, okay Hux, you're as cold as they come!" 

Armitage scowled. "How's your friendship with Finn going?"

Poe's smile quickly faded. "Okay, that was a low blow." 

Armitage shrugged. "I have no shame or standards anymore. There are no low blows, in my opinion." He scratched behind Millie's ears. 

Poe raised a brow. "I guess I should expect that from former First Order scum." 

Armitage pursed his lips. "Okay, point taken." He heard a loud snore and looked down, realizing that after falling on the floor, Ben had given up and let himself fall asleep there. 

Armitage nudged him with his boot (his mud covered and scratched up boot, it made his heart hurt to see the boots he lovingly polished look so dirty). "Ben, get up and let's go inside, there's a bed in our room." 

No response except for continued snoring. 

Armitage put Millie back in the apartment and then returned to Ben, kneeling next to him and shaking him a bit. "Ben." 

Only more snoring, even after a few more attempts at shaking him. Armitage sighed. "Poe?" 

Poe nodded. "Yeah?" 

"Could you help me carry Ben to bed?" 

Poe pouted his lips in thought. "Hmm...I dunno…what will you do in exchange?"

Armitage rolled his eyes. "What would you want me to do?" 

Poe knelt next to him. "I'm so glad you asked! Instead of confronting Finn directly and destroying our friendship, I'm gonna do a secret admirer thing and see how he reacts. I'll even make sure he knows it's a guy." 

"You realize that will obviously give away that it's you, right? You and the mechanic are literally the only people he is friends with here. And maybe the scavenger girl, but she switched sides." Armitage deadpanned, then began trying to lift the tall and burly man. 

Poe shrugged. "I'll make it seem like it's a random guy in the Resistance, just some pilot or something." 

Armitage sighed. "Okay, fine. Humiliate yourself with your laughably transparent plan. But what do I have to do with it?" 

"You're gonna deliver this." Poe held out a folded up paper note.

Armitage winced and took it. "Really? Paper? What are you, a caveman?"

Poe shook his head. "Paper can't be electronically traced, and I typed it up so he won't be able to see it's my handwriting. Just slip it under his door or something." 

Armitage rolled his eyes. "Fine, now will you please help me?"

Poe nodded and began helping Armitage lift the large and sleeping man, surprisingly strong despite being shorter. Armitage, unfortunately for Poe, planned on just giving Finn the note in person because he thought this whole convoluted scheme was fucking stupid.

Fourteen hours. That's how long Armitage slept. He had never slept that long, in his entire life. And he had never slept so comfortably, especially having Ben to sleep with him. He would have murdered anyone before admitting he had enjoyed being the little spoon. 

He sat up, rubbing his eyes. It was really a 'what year is it?' moment for him. He grabbed the datapad on his nightstand and turned it on, seeing that it was around lunchtime and realizing how long he had slept. He couldn't help but groan. 

Ben rubbed his bare back. "C'mon, hibernate with me." He smiled sleepily. Fuck him for looking cute with his bedhead. 

Armitage scowled. "Are you mad? It's past noon! I've never slept in this late in my entire fucking life!" He got up, going to the dresser and opening up the drawers to try and find underpants.

He found them, and then when he opened the next drawer he found the standard uniform for the Resistance officers, which was the fugliest shade of brown he had ever seen. "Oh fuck no…" He mumbled, then went with his underpants to the refresher. 

When he came out, Ben was sitting up and stretching. "I don't see what the hurry is, we have the day off." 

Armitage made a sound that was a cross between an amused snort and an annoyed scoff. "Of course you would say that. There is no such thing as a day off, I need to start reviewing the Resistance battle strategies, where I'm stationed, if I have an upcoming mission--" 

"Armie, calm the fuck down. I don't care if you want to be a workaholic. Working isn't an option today." Ben smiled. "Relax." He gently used the Force to tug Armitage forward. 

Armitage grunted and struggled against the increasingly insistent pull. "This is an inappropriate use of the Force!" He protested. 

Ben chuckled and held out his hand. "Then come back here. Relax. You need to take time for yourself." He smiled. "Be a little selfish for once." 

Armitage rolled his eyes and walked over, then draped himself over Ben. "Happy?" 

He yelped as he felt Ben smack his ass out of nowhere, then slowly turned to look up at him with cartoonishly wide eyes. 

Ben had clearly operated out of pure impulse, because the reality of his action only seemed to dawn on him now as his face turned bright red. "Uh…" 

Armitage coughed and crawled onto his side of the bed, sitting with his legs crossed. "So that happened…" He mumbled, blushing a bit. 

"I'm sorry, was that okay?" Ben turned so that he was laying on his side, facing Armitage. "We never really talked about going beyond kissing…" He reached out and grabbed Armitage's hand. 

Armitage swallowed hard and looked down, unable to deny that the idea of sex scared him a bit. What if...doing it with that part of his body made him feel dysphoric? What would they even do then? He wasn't sure if he could even give Ben what he wanted--.

He felt Ben kiss his cheek. "Relax. We can go at your pace, I don't mind. This should be special for you, since it'll be your first time." 

Armitage couldn't help but blush and meet his eyes, realizing how close they were. "I'm just, I'm scared that you'll get grossed out at what's...what's down there or I won't be able to give you, to give you what you need." 

Ben sat back on the headboard and started laughing like a little shit. "You think you're gonna gross me out?"

Armitage looked over at him, glaring. "Well...yes. I haven't gotten any surgery for…" He lowered his voice. "Down there." 

Ben caught his breath. "I mean, I've fucked people from different species, some with some really weird parts, so whatever you've got isn't really gonna scare me." He shrugged. "I just want you to feel good." 

Armitage felt his face heat up more at those words. "What about you?" 

Ben shrugged. "Just seeing you feel good would be plenty for me." He smiled. "I mean, if I get more than that, cool, but I want you to enjoy it." 

Armitage couldn't help but stare at Ben for almost a minute. He remembered when they first met, how he had hated Ren for being reckless and overly emotional. But now...he couldn't help but realize that maybe it was better to express emotions openly rather than keep them bottled up inside (he wasn't guilty of doing that, nooo) and his lack of structure or discipline also meant he was flexible and more relaxed. He was being so understanding, so patient...it was hard for Armitage to believe anyone would just…Love him like that. No conditions, no strings attached. 

He felt Ben brushing a thumb over his cheek. "Woah, don't cry. We don't have to do anything right now, I just wanted to start talking about it." He kissed Armitage softly and it made his stomach feel like it was floating and his heart melt. 

"I'm sorry." Armitage wiped at his eyes. "I love you." He nuzzled into Ben's shoulder. "I don't deserve this." 

"You do, shut up." Ben playfully pinched his side and Armitage yelped and curled in on himself. 

There was a moment where Ben seemed to process what had happened, and then a devious grin grew on his stupid face. "Are you ticklish?" 

Armitage shook his head feverishly. "No!" 

Before he could escape, Ben was tickling his sides mercilessly. Armitage found himself screeching in panic before finally collapsing into giggles. "Nonono stop stop! I give in! You win!" 

He put his hands up in a weak attempt to push Ben's hands away, which only resulted in Ben grabbing his hands and pinning them to either side of his head, grinning down at him like a goofball. 

There were a few breaths shared between them before Ben leaned down and kissed Armitage, his tongue slipping into Armitage's mouth. 

Woah. They had never done this before. Armitage, logically, should have felt grossed out at having someone else's tongue in his mouth, but… It was nice. Ben's tongue was warm and exploring all the sensitive parts of his mouth, and his eyes went from owlishly wide to falling shut.

Armitage found himself moaning into the other man's mouth, pushing his tongue back against Ben's. He couldn't help but gasp as he felt a hand run up his stomach before stopping at his chest. 

Ben pulled back and smiled, running a thumb over Armitage's top surgery scars. They were faint, since he had gotten the procedure done over a decade ago, but still there. He didn't seem to focus on them too much (which Armitage greatly appreciated) and began kissing his neck. It was a nice feeling until Ben found his pulse, making him gasp in a tiny breath. 

He felt Ben smile against his skin, then found himself shamefully whining as he felt teeth nibbling and biting into the sensitive skin, then sucking on the flesh before licking at it to soothe it. "Haahh, Ben…" He bit his lip. "Could you…maybe…?" 

Ben pulled back, smirking. "Yeah?" 

Armitage found himself blushing. "If…if you want to take off my pants you can. Just…stop if I say to." 

Ben nodded. "Of course." He hummed and tugged Armitage's pants down and he couldn't help but feel his pulse thundering in his head, feeling the lightning sort of metallic taste in his mouth from the adrenaline, feeling it in his veins.

Ben smiled. "Relax, you're shaking." He hummed and began kissing down Armitage's happy trail. "The carpet matches the drapes, I see." Ben mumbled against his stomach, just below his navel. 

Armitage gasped at the feeling of warm breath against such a sensitive area of skin. "B-ben, shut the fuck up…" He whined. "You're being a cock waffle." 

Ben laughed against his stomach and Armitage had to swallow hard to keep down another whine. "You want me to start kissing lower?"

Armitage glared at him. "Whatever you do, just get on with it." He grumbled, finally fed up with the suspense of it all, yanking down his pants from Ben's hands. 

"Haven't you ever heard of foreplay?" Ben smirked. 

"Haven't you ever heard of not being a cockblock while being a cocktease?" Armitage scowled. 

Ben grinned and spread Armitage's legs, and he felt his pulse pick up again. "Relax." Ben kissed him. 

Armitage closed his eyes and laid his head back. "Just get on with it." He prayed that doing this wouldn't trigger dysphoria, for once he just wanted to enjoy something. If his stupid brain and his stupid genits got in the way of him finally getting lai--.

"WOAH!" Hux yelled, eyes shooting open as he felt his dick enveloped in warm and wet heat (yes he knew it wasn't technically a dick but it almost was a dick and calling it that helped him feel better). "Haaahhh…" Armitage gripped the sheets and groaned, his hips arching up into the wet and warm suction of Ben's mouth. 

His eyes practically fucking crossed as he felt Ben's tongue run over him. "Ohhh fuck, Ben...shit…" He moaned lowly as he felt Ben gently rub his inner thighs. 

This felt so…good. A hundred times better than masturbating. And it didn't take long for every suck and every time Ben bobbed his head a bit that Armitage felt like the moans and gasps and whimpers were being pulled out of him. 

"Close…" He finally mumbled, feeling himself nearing the edge as he felt that tight coil in his gut. He didn't want this to end yet, it felt amazing…but then Ben hollowed out this cheeks and Armitage arched his back as he came, crying out. 

He felt Ben pull off and crawl up to him, laying his head on Armitage's chest. "How was your first blow job?" 

Armitage took a few moments to catch his breath before mumbling "ten out of ten, would do it again." 

Ben chuckled and nuzzled his chest. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I just slept for fourteen hours, took a shower, got a blowjob, and now I want to fucking nap." Armitage sighed. "You've ruined me, turned me into a lazy rebel scum." 

Ben looked up at him. "I wasn't the one who called my mom." 

Armitage pouted and tugged his hair playfully. "I didn't have any other choice." 

Ben nodded. "Okay…" He closed his eyes. "I love you." 

Armitage sighed and stroked Ben's hair. "I love you too, you goof." He couldn't help but smile as he saw the tiny smile on Ben's face at the response.


End file.
